Building a relationship based on honesty and transparency is essential to people, especially those who are already married. Having trust issues isn’t necessarily wrong. Because it can be an indicator of experiences and character, but it still depends on how a person tackles a problem despite having a trust issue. Most of the time, trust issues can serve as a block to intimacy and growth.
As an example, for some of the newly wedded couple, there might be an instance wherein you check their phone or wherein you’ll borrow their laptop‒ and, boom, you can see a few unwanted notifications from sites that are fishy. Don’t be so hostile about things, and make sure to let go of any anger you feel because it won’t help solve an issue, for it will cloud your sense of understanding and judgment. If you’re one of those girlfriends or wives who see their husband’s inbox full of dating site emails even when he’s committed already, don’t jump to conclusions and don’t be so agitated yet, because here are some possible answers as to why that’s happening.
Dating Websites Use An Algorithm.
Some dating websites use an algorithm. They think your partner may be interested in dating based on recent online activities or even his previous website visits. It could also be possible that someone borrowed his account or his device for browsing some websites used for dating and was mistaken for his interest.
Spammers Bought a Mailing List.
We can also look into the fact that some spammers may have bought a mailing list somewhere that contained your husband’s email address. Data miners collect users’ information on the internet. They sum it up and sell it to several interest parties, most of them are for business, but unfortunately, spammers can get their hands on it too.
Your Husband Went Through Unsafe Websites.
Another possibility is that your husband went through unsecured websites such as those who use phishing and input his data. It could be the cookies of every website as well. Putting your information on an unsafe website can cause unwanted notifications and activities on their accounts or devices. He may have used his email address on an affiliated site and may not have read the precautions about data. It means their network or affiliate sites may be able to email them legitimately.
Some websites can track a user’s activity if the spam email contains your husband’s real name and a nickname, you can always check out the site and take your time to find that profile. If you see it in a complete state with its profile picture and bio intact, perhaps he uses that specific site. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s gone out through dates. There is also a possibility that he used a dating site before you met or before he committed, but he forgot to deactivate his account permanently. Maybe that is also why he might still be receiving a few messages from dating sites even when he doesn’t use it anymore.
If you located these said emails on his spam, most likely he’s only been through sites associated with it. If they send him accounts or things related to any of the mentioned and opened them, they already have him. If he’s intrigued enough to click sites and ads and he’s been receiving emails, it’s most likely to be a bot rather than a real person.
But if you’re still wary about the situation and the frequency of receiving emails from dating sites, to put your mind at ease, you can look at the sites you see in the email and create a profile of your own. Set it up and take your time to search in the match pool you will get. You can try to chat and strike a conversation with that profile that matches you to know and confirm if it’s your husband or not. Or we can go for the easiest way, strike a conversation with him in real life and calmly ask about the emails that you’ve seen in his account.
Just because he’s been receiving emails doesn’t necessarily mean he is doing something behind your back. There are many possibilities to consider, and jumping into judgments and conclusions may spike into something unhealthy that may cause your relationship issues. Don’t hop onto the idea of blaming them and pointing a finger in an instant without considering things and without looking at different spectrums. Not only will you look immature, but that will be unfair to his side as well.
Blaming him instantly will only agitate him and cause him to be so harsh and defensive that it will not solve and answer the problem you found. Doing so may even cause more significant misunderstandings. It will not share any common grounds between the two of you, and none of it will make things fair for both sides. Instead, be open with each other regarding the things that are bugging you. In that way, both of you will have a clear idea about what is wrong, and you two will know how you both feel about a specific issue; by doing so, you are creating a safety bubble with your validity and security with each other still intact.
Better communication, understanding, and transparency is always the key to improve a relationship. Through effective communication, you can express your thoughts and opinions well, reducing the amount of misunderstanding miscommunication may create. Since listening and explaining is vital in a relationship, you need to practice them actively. Since you are married, you have to work through things as a team. Promote safe emotional spaces for both of you. Feel free to express yourself and your thoughts and choose to deal with issues positively rather than bicker with them immediately.
Toxicity and tolerance for it will never help both of you to overcome a struggle in your relationship. Openness and trust should come first, and both should do it with effort and consistency.