Never Been in a Relationship at 30

Have you ever heard of the term “relationship virgins?” If not, then let me explain it to you‒ the term relationship virgin describes those who are adults 20 and above who haven’t experienced any romantic connection or relationship with another person at all. Now that’s been explained, don’t you think that it’s time to shatter the idea that if you’re already 30, with no single experience of having a romantic relationship means that you have a defect in yourself?

man wearing knit cap on grey background

Those who are 30 and above that are still relationship virgins are often evaluated as lonely, less happy, and cannot adjust well to their surroundings than those involved in a loving relationship. The perceptions for them are leaning towards the opposing side. As an example, society labels them as someone “envious” and “self-centered.” But most of the time, those thoughts are far away from the truth about them. Some of the struggles that those relationship virgins of the 30s are experiencing are that people don’t find them a romantic partner option. Some adults were guaranteed a blessing; some of them are giving great personality and excellent people skills useful when communicating and interacting. They can easily make friends and spark conversation up, and often people can get quickly fond of them.

That’s a bonus, you might say. But for the thirty-year-old adults, there is an awkward side‒ people get too fond of them quickly that sometimes they are just stuck in the friend-zone level unknowingly. Sometimes they get phrases such as, “you’re a good friend. I don’t want to ruin it.” and that makes it harder for them to step up their romantic cards and game plans. Being single for so long made them lose confidence. Sometimes, being something for so long makes you lose a significant portion of the spirit you have left for yourself, and it applies the same to the relationship virgins. When the time comes that someone likes them, they’re too oblivious to notice the signs, resulting in a chance slipping away from their grasp, and it creates a whole new set of problems.

person looking out through window

Some of their friends might ask, “why don’t you ask them out for a coffee?” automatically, the singles would say, “they won’t even go out with me. She/he can find someone better than me.” And it’s not like they’re selling themselves short. It’s just that the confidence they have, as well as the hope and trust, isn’t there anymore. They often jump to the conclusion that “I’m not someone they’ll even hang out with.” And they’ll think it’s a realization that love isn’t suited for them. Some friends might even talk to them about it, and another problem is that- maybe those who haven’t been in a relationship in the 30s aren’t afraid of rejection. Perhaps they’re more terrified if someone finally said “yes” to them after 30 years of being single, and they’re too scared or oblivious to accept that idea.

For 30 years, you know nothing much about the feeling of being in love. You often ask yourself, “what do they do?” “How do they express themselves?” It seems easy for other people, but to those who haven’t had real connections in a romantic relationship, that seems like asking them to jump off of a cliff with no ropes or even harness to support them. They have no earthly ideas of what they should say and do when someone is in front of them with the potential of being their romantic partner.

They often experience a setback wherein they overthink and complicate things even before a situation happens. If a miracle occurred and dates did work for them, a little sign of progress is showing. They ask themselves, “what’s next?” they always push the idea that they haven’t been in a relationship and that things would end in an instant for them.

They tell themselves that God did not cut out love for them, but in reality, they want to settle down too. Love is in everyone’s heart, but one should never forget that being single isn’t a sin. There’s nothing wrong with it, especially in this generation. If you want to find love and spend your life cuddled up with your partner, but if it doesn’t happen or you don’t want it to, that’s fine too. You aren’t supposed to feel left out. Appearance and style have nothing to do with your relationship status and don’t take it to heart when someone tells you, “I can’t believe you’re single. You’re pretty/handsome!” “You’ll find someone soon!” there’s nothing to be ashamed of, so don’t fret too much about what other people will say. If you don’t feel bad about it, they shouldn’t feel bad for you as well.

man standing infront of window blinds

Being single gives you space to grow and improve yourself as an individual. It gives you time to understand yourself further, to let you determine what the things that you like are, hate, and want. You know yourself better than anyone else. Your independent soul is admirable, and being single for so long built a character for you. And because of that fact- when the deserving person comes knocking at your door, there will be something good that you can expect, something exciting even, and problems would be easier to face because you became strong for yourself.

But despite those, remember to be open about having a partner and with the idea of falling in love. There’s nothing wrong with taking risks from time to time because interactions with other people can give you a sense of learning and experiences. Despite conquering the world on your own for a long run, there’s nothing wrong with finding and having someone to go home to by the end of the day when the world drained your energy out. Keep yourself and be open to the never-ending possibilities and opportunities that may come along your way. It wouldn’t hurt to keep trying and building relationships and connections. Love is a matter of trial and error too.