“A good marriage is the one that allows for change and growth in the individuals in the way they express their love.”

– Pearl S. Buck.

Marriage is something that you’ll carry for eternity; a lot of us dream of being married one day. But something that we should note is that being tied to another person is a massive responsibility that doesn’t end too quickly. Anyone who’s been married for more than a few months can quickly tell you that it’s tough. As time passes by, things within the marriage nature seem to get stricter day by day. Not to mention that the idea of divorce comes out of every people’s mouth nowadays, there are countless reasons why marriage gets tougher.

One reason is that society implied that women should take care of chores and bills and raise children while men work. Because each person felt like they have duties to fulfill, some married couples stay married because they find each other useful. Today, there are lots of overlapping as to who should bring home the bacon and balance out the bills. Because of that, things sometimes tend to be blurry, and dependency and pride can weaken a relationship over time. And because of a slowly draining foundation of a relationship, couples tend to become unhappy now and then. Now, what are the reasons for unhappily married couples?

If your wife or husband doesn’t make you feel special anymore, what should you do? Well, here are a few tips and pieces of advice that could be helpful for your understanding.

Analyze the Situation.

Ask yourself first, “what’s on my plate right now?” Do you have a lot of tasks to do as an individual and as a married couple? If yes, then maybe that’s the reason why your wife or your husband couldn’t make you feel special. Perhaps they’re also distracted with things of their own such as workloads and eventful schedules.

Talk Things Out.

Jumping into unconfirmed ideas will create a hostile atmosphere for you and your partner. If you’re going through some overthinking and self-deprecating thoughts, open yourself and talk to your partner about it. It’s better to be direct about it if you think that your wife or husband doesn’t make you feel loved or special anymore.

Be honest about your feelings and thoughts so that you will clear some miscommunications. And so that the other side would have ideas about what they should do regarding your sentiment. Please encourage them to speak honestly to you about what they want to do and what caused their actions.

Be Calm.

We all know that marriage problems can be intense for everyone. You’re in a binding relationship, so it’s normal because you aren’t in a puppy love stage anymore. But despite the intensity of the issue, remain calm.

Anger mixed with other emotions such as frustration because your husband doesn’t make you feel special can lead to severe outbursts. It will complicate the situation if your thoughts are already clouded and fog it up more. Remaining calm throughout the conversation would make it easier for you to comprehend things that they’ll say.

Now, when you’re already in a conversation, remember to be transparent about your feelings. Tell your husband what he does that makes you feel unhappy; break it down to him slowly. And then wait for his reaction, he might apologize to you first before explaining, and that’s okay too. Try to comprehend each other and try not to raise your tones together.

If he says that he’s busy or that he didn’t mean to make you feel unloved and you think it’s acceptable? That’s good. But if things turn out the other way around, and some of his answers were unexpected? That would be another case that you have to analyze and clear out. If he says a specific reason why he suddenly acts like you aren’t special, then that’s your call about what you should do. It could help to ask your partner for space, for example, a deadline for the both of you to think about what you want to do and where you want the marriage to go. It’s important to give time to assess yourselves not to be biased about some decisions.

Because as much as it’s essential to talk and decide things as a married couple, it’s vital to consider yourselves too as an individual. Because even if we want to save the relationship we have, it’s also crucial for us not to ignore what’s best for us as individuals. We have to think of the relationship, but we have to think of ourselves too.As a married couple, you also know how to read each other, so you might as well assess yourself. Look back if you did something to make the other feel upset or bad about themselves, resulting in the issue you have right now. Maybe it’s not just them who changed; perhaps we did something ourselves too.

But since both of you knows when something is wrong, you shouldn’t ignore that. The key to it is to absorb everything and be thorough when talking and comprehending because words without actions could simply be empty. And if talking thoroughly still didn’t make a change for you, and if you still feel unappreciated, then maybe it’s time to take a break. Sometimes, it’s not always about us because they also need time for themselves. It would be best if you weren’t too demanding about things because even though you are married for years, you’re your person, and you don’t own your partner at all. They also have their own life and own things to do, so don’t rely on them too much.

Although it isn’t harmful to ask them and rely on them from time to time, just don’t expect them to control you and give you everything. Don’t forget to do what makes you happy, and don’t put yourself in a situation that could be unhealthy for you.