Have you ever been on a date where you meet someone cute, intelligent, and funny? But at the end of your date, there was no close intimate interaction at all? Not even a hug or a slight peck? Well, don’t fret! There may be reasons for that.
Note that there may be instances wherein your dates would be successful, and there will always be times where it feels like it flopped. But it also depends on your intentions and how you define the word successful in terms of dating. For example, you’ve been chilling all night, and when you put your arm around her? She suddenly distanced herself?
That’s because some people don’t feel comfortable when things get too pushy or intimate on the first few dates. But things like that are fine! It would help if you kept in mind that not all people have the same love language as yours. It’s also not healthy to expect things to escalate quickly on your dates.
It’s better to keep your expectations to yourself first so that you won’t get disappointed quickly. It would also be best for you to establish connections first before putting your hopes up in the sky. Establishing a steady relationship with your partner might help you in the long run when things get better for both of you.
It’s also not advisable to jump into intimacy on your first few dates with someone. Not unless, of course, if both of you agreed on a particular set-up. But if you’re expecting something, such as a kiss, to happen on your first few dates? We got you covered! Here are some tips and bits of advice.
Ask
The first step is to ask your partner; what they want to do and what they expect to happen. If they managed to give you a heads up, such as if they’re alright with physical interaction? You can start with a hug and eventually ask them for a peck on the cheeks or the lips.
Don’t just jump right into it. Not all people appreciate surprises, and they might back off forever while thinking you’re a creep. The worst is that they might believe that you believe they’re easy to push over into things.
Consent and Knowing Matters
And not just because you gained four dates from them necessarily means that they’re already okay with you invading their private bubble. Some people going out on dates aren’t fans of physical affection, while others crave it in general- therefore, you should know which is which.
If they’re alright with you kissing them before, during, or even after dates, then that’s perfect for you! It means that they have connections and feelings for you, but you may ask- what if they don’t?
Do Not Jump into Conclusions
If they kissed you, that’s great! If they don’t, that’s fine too. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re not into you or that they don’t want to see you anymore. Although there might be chances like that, what you should do is be upfront.
Ask your partner why they haven’t kissed you yet. If they answered you clearly, then that’s it. Some may answer that they want more connection, some might say they want more time. Others might say they’re uncomfortable, or they don’t want to. And whatever answer you get, you should try to respect it.
Don’t enforce yourself to your partner.
Remember that not because they haven’t allowed you to kiss yet, doesn’t mean they’re not into you. No matter what the circumstances are, please don’t be pushy and don’t enforce yourself on them. Please don’t force them to allow you to because that is a major turn-off, and some people date for the long run.
Not everyone wants the fun in everything because they may have burned out before, and chances are? They might think that kissing is extreme for them at a certain point. But if you feel that you want things to work out and that both are on the same page, then go for a talk and wait.
They might lack confidence.
If that’s the case, then sit down and reassure them that you’re not putting pressure on anything. A lot of people might be worried that they wouldn’t give satisfaction or excitement to their partner. Some may don’t know what to do, and a good talk of assurance can fix some of that.
You can also guide them if they’ll allow you to so that they would know you’re not pressuring them to do something spontaneous. You can also explain to your date that it’s alright to do something comfortable at their own pace. It may give a boost for their confidence to spike.
It’s essential to remember that people raised in different cultures have other types of bars set for intimacy- although you can ask her and reassure her, it’s not always fair to impose your expectations on your partner. You either accept her pace or go out.
It’s also important to ask yourself if you’re going for the short term or the serious ones. Because that factor also gives a difference on your decision making. Because if no kissing after a few dates makes you frustrated, then the date may not tailor that person for you.
Both of you operate on what you need and want if you focus on intimacy through physical contacts? You’re out of the long-run train. That’s incompatibility you’re seeing, and it makes every relationship strained and dull. If you concentrate more on what intimacy you’ll get from your date after going out? You may find someone who agrees with the same concept you have in mind.
Because most of the time, four dates hardly mean connection or anything, it’s recommended not to be surprised because not all people are willing to give in after a few short hangouts. It’s better just to enjoy your date, and take whatever it is that your partner can give and be thankful for it to enjoy.
